What I’m Thankful For

November 27, 2009 at 11:27 am (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Everyone’s thankful for something, but if you know me at all, you’ll know one is never enough.

I’m thankful for my health, even though its cliché, its true. I’m thankful for the health of my mother, that she was strong enough to survive. I’m thankful for my sister, everyday is a battle for her, but she’s going strong.

I’m thankful for my girlfriends. For our girls nights in dance clubs and dive bars. For sweatpants and stretch pants. For self tanners and false eyelashes. Nars lip gloss and La Mer face cream. I’m thankful for my golden highlights and Anastasia brows. For my mother’s fondness of expensive perfume. (and for letting me steal it whenever I’m home.)

I’m thankful for the education I was given. For the lessons I’ve learned. I’m thankful for my memories. That I remember life in small details. I’m thankful that my vision is unusual and unexpected. I’m thankful for corrective lenses and Chanel frames.

I’m thankful for music. The kind we make in our lives every day and the kind made by my favorite artists.

I’m thankful for godiva chocolate, reeses cups, and magnolia bakery cupcakes. I’m thankful for drive thru coke floats and frito pie. I’m thankful for my Southern roots and my new Yankee ways. For the swingin’ door and good margaritas.

I’m thankful for nacho cheese and basketball. For wine flights and cheese pairings in new fancy places.

I’m thankful for good art and good bars. I’m thankful for Rose Bar moments. I’m thankful for champagne. For hiccups and the cool fizzle under your nose. I’m thankful for hangovers made of memories. I’m thankful for glossy mornings in the Gramercy Park Hotel. And even more for roof garden brunches.

I’m thankful for the ones that encourage me. For the ones that make me laugh until it hurts. For the ones that broke my heart. For the hopeless romantics and long sleeves.

I’m thankful that I’m here even though there were times I wish I wasn’t. I am thankful that the future excites me. That I have so much more to learn. That I have so much more to live for. And I couldn’t have done it without all of you.

Thank you.

Permalink 3 Comments

Let Downs

November 27, 2009 at 1:23 am (Uncategorized) (, , , )

My girlfriends have experienced a whole lot of let downs in the last few weeks. I’ve been busy running the local heartbreak hotel on the corner of sobbing and stupid.

Let downs suck.

When you get let down its because you let yourself get excited, but then the disappointment sets in. You just sit there, quiet, like the kid in class who peed their pants. You’re sad, embarrassed, you can’t believe you let it happen, but it did.

So what do you do? You can’t sit there forever because eventually the bell will ring and school will be out. You have to get up, take the sting, and keep going. You want to be comforted and hopefully, you will be. You’re afraid of it happening again, but you can’t stay home from school forever.

It’s about risk. You gotta’ take one every now and then. You won’t find greatness unless you put yourself out there.

You’re not a failure. You’re just disappointed. You’re failing yourself by measuring little let downs so negatively. Turn to your friends for guidance and keep going.

So lick your wounds, or in this case, wash your damn pants!

Now get back to school and try to learn something this time.

Permalink 4 Comments

Dixie’s Pie

November 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

Not that pie, ya’ pervert.

Every holiday season I make a spiced apple and pear pie to share with my friends and family. I’m posting the recipe so that all of you can make it at home. (and so that those of you who nag me for the recipe all year long can finally have it)

        

 

Spiced Apple & Pear Pie

Dough:

  • 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 3/4 teaspoon fine salt
  • 3/4 cup cold unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), diced
  • 1 large egg
  • 3 to 4 tablespoons very cold water

Filling:

  • 1/2 lemon
  • 3 pounds baking apples, such as Golden Delicious, Cortland, or Mutsu (about 6 apples)
  • 1 1/2 pounds baking pears, such as Bosc or firm Bartletts (about 3 pears)
  • 2/3 cup sugar, plus more for sprinkling on the pie
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon fine salt
  • Generous pinch freshly grated nutmeg
  • 1/4 cup unsalted butter (1/2 stick)
  • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
  • 1 large egg, beaten

Directions

Dough:

Whisk the flour, sugar, and salt together in a medium bowl. Rub 1/4 cup of the butter into the dry ingredients with your fingers until completely absorbed. Then rub in the remaining butter until it resembles cornmeal mixed with pea-size bits of butter. (If it gets warm and sticky, refrigerate it to chill.)

Beat the egg with 3 tablespoons of the water; then drizzle it evenly over the dough. Lightly stir the dough together with a fork. (The dough should just hold together when you squeeze it together, with some dry crumbly bits.) If the dough is really dry, sprinkle it with the final tablespoon of water. (To make the dough in food processor, see below.)

Divide the dough in half and wrap each half in plastic wrap and shape into disks. Refrigerate at least 1 hour or up to 2 days. (The dough can be frozen for 2 months. Defrost dough in the fridge overnight.)

Filling:

Finely grate the lemon zest and set aside. Peel, core and then slice both the apple and pear into 1/2-inch slices. Squeeze the lemon juice over the fruit, then toss fruit with the sugar, cinnamon, ginger, salt and nutmeg.

Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the fruit and cook, stirring until the sugar dissolves and juices simmer, about 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium, and cook, uncovered, until the fruit softens and the juices evaporate some, about 10 minutes. Evenly mix the flour into the fruit; then cook about a minute more to thicken the juices slightly. Stir in the vanilla and lemon zest; and remove from the heat. (The filling should resemble a tight compote.) Cool completely.

Form the pie:

Lightly dust the work surface with flour. Roll a disk of dough into an 11 to 12-inch circle. Transfer the dough to 9-inch glass pie pan, trimming so it hangs about 1/2-inch over the edge of the pan. Fill the crust with the prepared fruit so it mounds slightly in the center. Roll the remaining dough into a 12-inch circle. Brush the rim of the crust with some of the egg.

Roll the dough onto the rolling pin and unroll it over the fruit so it hangs over the edge of the pie pan by about 1/2-inch. Trim crust if needed, reserving the scraps for decorations or for patching, if needed. Fold the top crust edge under the bottom one, then press the edges together to seal. Cut trimmed scraps into designs if desired and set aside (see photo). Flute the crust by pressing a finger into the crust against the other hand’s index finger and thumb to make an even impression. Repeat every 1/2 inch around the pie to create a ruffled edge (see photo). Refrigerate the pie for at least 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, place a rack in the lower third of the oven and heat to 425 degrees F.

Brush pie with egg and place cut dough designs on top if desired. Brush again and sprinkle with sugar. Cut 6 to 8 small steam vents into the top of the dough. Place pie on a baking sheet and cook for 15 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 375 degrees F. Bake until the crust (both top and bottom) is golden brown, about 50 minutes more. If the edges begin to brown too quickly, cut a pie shield out of a piece of aluminum foil and cover the edges. Cool on a rack.

Serve pie warm with vanilla bean ice cream. Keep pie, covered, at room temperature for a day, or refrigerate for up to four.

Note: To make the dough in a food processor: Pulse the flour, sugar, and salt together in the bowl of the processor. Add a 1/4 cup of the butter and pulse until it resembles fine cornmeal. Add the remaining butter and pulse until the butter is in small pea-sized pieces. Beat the egg and 3 tablespoons of the water together, add and pulse 1 to 2 times, but don’t let the dough form into a ball in the machine. If the dough is dry add pulse in the other tablespoon of water. Remove the blade and turn dough onto a large, sheet of plastic film. Use the sides of the film to bring the dough together, then wrap tightly to chill.

Tips: The filling can be made up to 2 days ahead and refrigerated. The pie can be fully formed, except for brushing with egg and dusting with sugar, and frozen. Place the pie in the freezer for 30 minutes, to harden it slightly, and then double wrap it with plastic wrap. Freeze for up to 2 months. When ready to bake, unwrap the pie and brush it with egg and sprinkle with sugar. If baking from the frozen state, following baking temperatures above, the pie may need to bake slightly longer at 375 degrees F, about 1 hour 25 minutes.

Permalink 2 Comments

Belle de Jour

November 15, 2009 at 9:09 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

It’s no secret, that I am obsessed with Showtime’s ”Secret Diary Of A Call Girl”. A television series based off of the best selling book Belle de Jour: Diary Of An Unlikely Call Girl. Belle, a former blogger kept herself anonymous for many years. This past week she revealed herself to the world.

Belle de Jour is actually Dr. Brooke Magnanti, a research scientist at St. Michael’s Hospital in Bristol.

Dr Magnanti writes in her blog: “I suppose I always thought that the part of my life I wrote about would fade away, that I could stick it in a box and move on. Totally separate it from the ‘real me’.

“What it took me years to realise is that while I’ve changed a lot since writing these diaries my life has moved on so much, in part thanks to the things that happened then. Belle will always be a part of me. She doesn’t belong in a little box, but as a fully acknowledged side of a real person.

“The non-Belle part of my life isn’t the only ‘real’ bit, it’s all real.

“Belle and the person who wrote her had been apart too long. I had to bring them back together.”

“Anonymity had a purpose then – it will always have a reason to exist, for writers whose work is too damaging or too controversial to put their names on. But for me, it became important to acknowledge that aspect of my life and my personality to the world at large.”

You can read more about her coming out in her official interview here.

Permalink 1 Comment

For My Girlfriends…

November 2, 2009 at 5:43 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Being single for so long has been the greatest thing I have experienced in my twenties.

I know that sentence sounds terrible. Lazy. Maybe even pathetic, but its true. I have had the chance to learn so much about myself and my friends. I have looked at life in a new light. Weighed out the things that actually matter in this life. I hope my girlfriends read this and take some of it to heart. They are the most wonderful people I have in my life and I only want them to lead joyful lives.

I look back at the younger me and feel sorry for her. For her insecurities. All the mistakes. I think about the time I wasted worrying about things that don’t matter. I have learned not to worry about what has happened in the past, but to look forward to the future.  Don’t worry about the people that no longer are in your life today because they don’t matter enough to share your journey with. Don’t weigh things by the negativity that has happened, but by the joys you have had, no matter how small.

 It doesn’t matter what kind of shoes you are wearing or if you’re carrying the season’s must have handbag. Consumerism will never ever fulfill your lack of self-esteem. The people who really love you won’t care if you’re wearing Payless or Prada. Believe me, I adore nice things, but I won’t put an obsession for Louboutins in the way of the things that really matter.

Nobody really cares if you destroy your cuticles. If they do, they are a complete moron focused only on life’s shallows. No guy really cares about the shoes your wearing. If he does, he is the wrong guy. You’re beautiful, especially without make-up. Embrace your youth and go out of the house with a naked face. If a guy can’t see your beauty without make-up, he will never ever love the real you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t look like Heidi Klum because you aren’t Heidi Klum. Embrace your natural beauty and unique style and the people that really love you will too.

Don’t worry about what people think about you. It’s your life, not theirs. If I worried about all the terrible things people say about me, I would never be able to leave the house. I see people that spend their free time talking about me and I just smile and wave hello. If all they can do is worry about your life, there must be something wrong with theirs. Be kind to people, even the ones that hate you. You never know when they can be taken away from this earth. If negative people are in your life, ditch them, they’re never going to bring anything important to your world.

It’s ok to have self-esteem. You’re allowed to brag and people should be happy for your accomplishments. Learn how to take a compliment and thank the person that gives it to you. Make sure you compliment people too. It’s ok to be embarrassed. We’re all allowed to have emotions. None of us are perfect.

Life isn’t a Hollywood film. But if you’re a dreamer, like me, just make sure you head down your yellow brick road with heart, courage, and brains. And if you’re lucky enough to have friends like I do, the wicked witch will never be that scary.

Permalink 2 Comments

Relationships Are Scary

October 25, 2009 at 9:55 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

In the club, I’m an expert at men. I know how to talk to them, how to make them laugh, how to turn them on.

The same does not apply to real life.

In real life, I’m shy and nervous around guys. Especially around ones I may like. Vulnerability is frightening. When I’m Dixie no one can hurt me. But in my personal life, when the walls are down, I’m awkward.

I have no idea how to have a relationship. I don’t understand how to play the games. Do I text him or do I not text him? Do I make the next move or does he? This dating crap is so confusing. How do people do it?

In conversation, I lob “I don’t want a relationship” as fast as Federer’s serve. It’s a lie. It’s my defense. I play the tough girl. I do want to love again. I want to share my life with someone. I’m just afraid of going back there again. To be the one left alone looking like the sucker. I’m afraid.

 

 

Permalink 4 Comments

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

October 21, 2009 at 1:28 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

One of my best friend’s just ended a five year relationship. It was one of the hardest decisions and one of the best decisions she has had to make.

“I’m afraid of starting over.” She sighed to me.

I’m proud of her. For respecting herself enough to say “I need more. I deserve more.”

The truth is, everyone is afraid of starting over. Of having to make new. To go forward in a life that you don’t really know to be wholly yours. But breaking up is a time to renew, not only our lives, but our friendships. Focus on the things that matter most to you.

It is hard. I know it because I’ve been in the same place as she is now. You ask yourself, “How could I have spent all this time together, growing together, building a life together to walk away from it as strangers?” You feel like you’ve wasted time. But the truth is, it isn’t a waste of time because the time you spent growing with someone else, you’ve got to learn about yourself. What you want for your future and what you don’t want.

You feel like you’ve lost your best friend and now a bunch of crappy material things are closer to him than you. It’s fucking bizarre. Old magazines, a coffee mug, the blanket you used to snuggle under, the things you left behind will get to spend more time with him than you will ever again. It’s strange that a relationship can dissolve so quickly. But they do.

You might feel like a failure. You might be scared to death. Will anyone love me enough as he did? Will anyone treat me as sweet? Make me laugh as much? Know to bring me ice cream when I’m sad? You torture yourself with these questions because you’re scared. But the truth is, the next person you meet could be totally different. He may not bring you ice cream when you’re sad, but he’ll do something totally amazing and different. He’ll take you out of your comfort zone make you experience new.

When you’re in it you think you’ll never be able to forget. You think that you’ll feel this emptiness, this want for old for the rest of your life. But eventually you’ll leave it behind and you’ll forget. You’ll find someone new who will know your life story. One day, you’ll talk about these hard heavy moments as if they don’t matter at all.

Just take it one day at a time.

Permalink 6 Comments

What I Listen To

October 18, 2009 at 11:55 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

It’s pretty evident that I love music. A friend of mine recommended last.fm to me.

I finally sat down and figured it out this morning. It’s pretty cool.

Here’s my last.fm page so you can listen to what I listen to.

Permalink 1 Comment

10 Worst Sexy Halloween Costumes

October 15, 2009 at 1:08 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Halloween was always my favorite holiday as a kid for two reasons. 1) I love candy and 2) I love dressing up.

It seems as if this holiday has become increasingly more and more about sex. As for many, it may be their only opportunity to get laid all year. For many girls, it’s their opportunity to act like total sluts and get away with it. “Uh, no that wasn’t me. That was Princess Peach sucking on Mario’s dick”.

If you put “sexy” in front of any character you have instant Halloween costume.

Here’s a list of the 10 worst  sexy Halloween costumes from Washington City Paper.

Permalink 6 Comments

One Simple Answer

October 13, 2009 at 8:32 am (Uncategorized) (, , , )

At Café Ole I sit and write for hours. Lost between cups of coffee and “Oh, I love this song” moments from Pandora. People always passing through. Strangers finding a common ground in a coffee shop.

On the wall, posters and ads make a colorful clutter. People tearing off wedges of paper as answers to their problems. They find what they are looking for. I wonder if perhaps, whatever it is I am looking for is just as easy as that. As easy as a tattered piece of paper. A number to dial. One simple answer.

I think for so long I have lived a life of chaos. Quick; cheaply made moments of nothingness. A life without meaning. Moments lived in vain. For what? For whom?

Despite all that I have done, I am alone.

As a writer, real life is never enough. It’s in the telling and retelling of it that satisfies. Learning from my narratives. Somehow waiting for when my life will start. The sad unfortunate truth, is that my life has begun and it is quickly passing me by.

Now, I sadly sift through blurred memories of a time when I didn’t give a shit. Clicking through old blog posts. Remembering the good life. Skipping through life without a care. I remember never caring about anything, mainly because now, today, I do.

Perhaps now, with a life of chaos behind me I will be able to find what it is I am looking for.

Even if it hurts.

Permalink 2 Comments

Next page »