Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
One of my best friend’s just ended a five year relationship. It was one of the hardest decisions and one of the best decisions she has had to make.
“I’m afraid of starting over.” She sighed to me.
I’m proud of her. For respecting herself enough to say “I need more. I deserve more.”
The truth is, everyone is afraid of starting over. Of having to make new. To go forward in a life that you don’t really know to be wholly yours. But breaking up is a time to renew, not only our lives, but our friendships. Focus on the things that matter most to you.
It is hard. I know it because I’ve been in the same place as she is now. You ask yourself, “How could I have spent all this time together, growing together, building a life together to walk away from it as strangers?” You feel like you’ve wasted time. But the truth is, it isn’t a waste of time because the time you spent growing with someone else, you’ve got to learn about yourself. What you want for your future and what you don’t want.
You feel like you’ve lost your best friend and now a bunch of crappy material things are closer to him than you. It’s fucking bizarre. Old magazines, a coffee mug, the blanket you used to snuggle under, the things you left behind will get to spend more time with him than you will ever again. It’s strange that a relationship can dissolve so quickly. But they do.
You might feel like a failure. You might be scared to death. Will anyone love me enough as he did? Will anyone treat me as sweet? Make me laugh as much? Know to bring me ice cream when I’m sad? You torture yourself with these questions because you’re scared. But the truth is, the next person you meet could be totally different. He may not bring you ice cream when you’re sad, but he’ll do something totally amazing and different. He’ll take you out of your comfort zone make you experience new.
When you’re in it you think you’ll never be able to forget. You think that you’ll feel this emptiness, this want for old for the rest of your life. But eventually you’ll leave it behind and you’ll forget. You’ll find someone new who will know your life story. One day, you’ll talk about these hard heavy moments as if they don’t matter at all.
Just take it one day at a time.
Blep said,
October 21, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Mary Jane said,
October 21, 2009 at 3:37 pm
That takes more courage than anything else I can think of. Kudos to her and good luck.
soulofwhit said,
October 21, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I also hate that phrase, one-day-at-a-time. How else can you take it? Is there a two-day option I’m unaware of? But, what I think she’s got in you is a great friend who can confirm that the feelings and questions are completely normal. Don’t fill her head w/ other men who might do something differently or better. She can do all those things for herself and if she can’t, you can help her through. How many men have ya’ll survived together…I can think of at least three w/ my college GFs and about 6 for my lifelong friends. We should spoil our girls instead of lamenting over the losers. Tell her I said goodluck n check out my blog. She might get w/ it…
daisyfae said,
October 21, 2009 at 7:57 pm
it’s a grieving process… you’ve captured it well… the hardest part is the avoidance of kevlar-encrusted emotions, bulletproof heart and all that… cynicism is the death of love… unfortunately….
Pinkpanther said,
October 22, 2009 at 11:14 pm
You are an incredible writer and I truly feel the words when I’m reading them through you. Thank you for your love and support everyone!
Jason said,
October 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Oh I feel her pain. I’m having to start over after ending a seven year marriage. Well it was mutual. Once she ended it I pretty much got on board.