Relationships Are Scary
In the club, I’m an expert at men. I know how to talk to them, how to make them laugh, how to turn them on.
The same does not apply to real life.
In real life, I’m shy and nervous around guys. Especially around ones I may like. Vulnerability is frightening. When I’m Dixie no one can hurt me. But in my personal life, when the walls are down, I’m awkward.
I have no idea how to have a relationship. I don’t understand how to play the games. Do I text him or do I not text him? Do I make the next move or does he? This dating crap is so confusing. How do people do it?
In conversation, I lob “I don’t want a relationship” as fast as Federer’s serve. It’s a lie. It’s my defense. I play the tough girl. I do want to love again. I want to share my life with someone. I’m just afraid of going back there again. To be the one left alone looking like the sucker. I’m afraid.
daisyfae said,
October 26, 2009 at 6:13 am
” I lob “I don’t want a relationship” as fast as Federer’s serve”
but damn them all for believing us…
werkahaulic said,
October 26, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Some things are worth being vulnerable for and taking that risk. Although its scary, you’ll never truly know if it can happen unless you open yourself up to it. Some people will hear the “i dont want a relationship” line and respectfully not push it even though they might REALLY want one with you. Nobody wants to be “That Guy” that keep pursuing someone when they want nothing to do with them. I say can the games, be honest and open and take the risk. The Reward is worth it.
Ash said,
October 28, 2009 at 11:23 am
I know how you feel. *hugs*
Blue Jean Baby said,
October 30, 2009 at 10:25 am
Your blog is so moving. I’m not a dancer but I can relate to everything you say. I really like your view of the world.